BAKED FRESH FILM
Baker's Best: The Top Six Worst Haircuts Sported by Nicholas Cage
by Calum Syers I think I am safe in saying that some actors should never be too adventurous with their hair dos. It leads to things like Tom Hanks’ mullet in ‘The Da Vinci Code’ or Samuel L. Jackson constantly changing his hair. Nicolas Cage used to be okay with wacky hair in movies such as ‘Raising Arizona’because he was young and he didn’t have a forehead that was bigger than his face. The only bad hair cut that will be dismissed is his balding curls from ‘Adaptation’ because it was an important plot point in the movie and because I have a suspicion that is what his hair might actually look like without plugs.6. National Treasure
Balding men can do several things to maintain their dignity. They include, balding gracefully, shaving their heads, buy a wig or in a worst-case scenario get a comb over. Cage however decided that he could trick us by getting hair plugs that, in his case means that he looks as if he has dolls hair and every year we can see more and more forehead. Watch the first and second ‘National Treasure’ back to back and you’ll see what I mean. (Although most of you are not as sad as I am to do so.) His hair in this movie looks like a plastic lid.
5. Vampire’s Kiss
‘A what Kiss… a Vampire’s what?’ I hear you ask; let me refresh your memory. It is the movie where Cage dipped his toe into method acting by eating cockroaches and wearing fake plastic teeth. Unfortunately with his ‘late eighties businessman cut’ it somehow just looks wrong on Cage, not just that it doesn’t suit him but also because he looks extremely uncomfortable with it. Half the movie it looks as if it has been slicked back by what looks like his sweat, which merely draws attention to it, rather than to his somewhat fun and eccentric performance.
4. Ghost Rider
To cover that damned ever-increasing forehead he seems to have grown his fringe out a little. So what is the problem here? Well the problem is that Cage looks like a middle-aged Ken Doll. With his surfer boy beach style he looks extremely ridiculous and he is showing his age. He also looks a little like one of those posh, English boarding school boys just waiting to cause mischief.
3. Gone in Sixty Seconds
This is the more run of the mil Cage haircut, high forehead and fluffy on top. But for a lot of people this was the introduction of Nicolas Cage as a matinee idol, so for a lot of people this was the introduction of a balding middle-aged man trying to be an action hero. It is true that this is a very fun movie but I have trouble believing that Nicolas Cage can do anything more than collect his social security checks let alone steal cars and have Angelina Jolie fall be his romantic interest.
2. Next
Ah, the mullet, the refuge of many a middle aged actor trying to do something different. Tom Hanks tried it, so did John Travolta, both of whom should not have stepped far away from it. Cage is no different. Ironically this isn’t the last mullet on the list and the strange thing is, when your hairline is receding like Cage’s does it really isn’t wise to get a haircut which draws attention to yout head. Next they will want us to believe that Jessica Biel is a realistic choice for a romantic interest.
1. Con Air
Mullet number two. In ‘Con Air’ Cage punches someone in the face instantly killing him. Years later he is to be released and has to get on a plane with many angry convicts. Armed only with a scraggily mullet and a Southern American accent which would make people from the South cry he has to get home safely to see his daughter. There are two reasons why this particular mullet is above the one of ‘Next’ and that is that its length and unkemptness looks horrible on Cage and is supposed to suggest that Cage is such a badass in prison that he doesn’t need a hair cut.
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